Tags
die to self, God, grace, mercy, peace
“Why do I want to ‘do’ something for God. This is the question Holy Spirit asked me today.
We have all heard that we need to let dreams die and give them to God. We say we do but we really don’t. Inside we’re like “I know that I gave that to God, but He’s gonna resurrect it and give it back to be even better!” That thought in itself tells you that maybe it didn’t really die. Once something is dead, it’s dead. It doesn’t speak to you anymore. If something is still speaking, then what in it is speaking? Could it be pride? Selfish ambition? Is it the desire for fame? Or fortune? Fulfillment from something other than God Himself? Then perhaps the sacrifice that you laid on the alter wasn’t sufficiently or successfully killed.
Then I found something out about myself. That perhaps my desire to serve God, that insistence that I be called and that I have a purpose, was actually more of a desire to just not be left out. Or not be the only one without a great call on my life. That maybe for all our lofty words of “the greatest of all is the servant of all” or that “nursery workers and toilet scrubbers get the same reward as the worship leaders” were just words and not heartfelt beliefs. Not that it’s not true, but that maybe deep down inside, I didn’t really believe that. And even if it is true, well that’s not what I wanted my call to be. But remember, “every member of the body is equally important!”. The little toe is just as important as a right arm or left leg!” Yeah right. Who wants to be a little toe? Toes have fungus and toe cheese. I KNOW that God didn’t call me to work with toe cheese and fungus. Kings and Priests don’t deal with those things! They have servants that do the dirty work.
Well, maybe not the Kings and Priests in this upside down Kingdom. Ugh……
So back to the question. “Why do you want to do something for me?” When you are in intimate conversation with the King of Kings, you can’t just flippantly answer Him. After all, He already knows the real reason and the question wasn’t really meant for Him anyway. It was meant for me. Because I needed to know what was really fueling my desire to be “doing” something in the Kingdom.
As I racked my brain to come up with an answer, and I could have very quickly rattled off a half-dozen very spiritual sounding ones, I finally fell silent. And I asked Him to show me why I wanted “to do” something.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs states that man has five needs that must be met. He says that our striving or motivation to do those things is in order to meet those needs, depending on what we have not had met yet. The first two are physiological, like air, food, and water. Ok, I have those. The next is security. I’m pretty good on this one too. The third is social need or the need for family, friends, love and affection. Check. I was good there too. But I sensed trouble when I got to level four. Self-Esteem.
Humans were created with a need for recognition, a sense of value, personal worth, attention and reputation. Well then God, if you created me with these needs, and I don’t personally know anyone that doesn’t want these things, then what is the problem?
The problem is that I am a new creation. The hierarchy of needs that Maslow proposes may or not be correct, but either way, these are the needs of the carnal flesh or our souls. I’m supposed to be walking in the Spirit. If God were to allow me to go out and do some spectacular thing for His Kingdom and it was fueled by my need for recognition, value or attention, then who gets the glory for what God does? Sure I would probably say with my mouth “What great things God had done!” with a look of humility, but inside my heart I would be racking up self-esteem points left and right. I would be satisfied or dissatisfied with myself based on my level of spiritual success.
Oh woe is me.
God has such a merciful way of humbling us because of His great love for us. His desire is not that we crash and burn on the altar of self-sacrifice, but that we know Him intimately and understand how much He loves us and that we love Him in return.
So, as for me, Maslow can keep his hierarchy. I’ve repented and have decided to let Jesus fill my every need. And guess what, as I laid my fleshly needs of self-esteem on the altar of His love, His beautiful, fiery presence consumed it and I didn’t die. On the contrary, He looked at me with eyes filled with burning love and said “I complete you.” Yes, Jesus quoted Jerry McGuire, sort of. I think Jesus probably said it first though.
We made a great exchange today, though I’m pretty sure I got the better end of the deal. I gave up the soulish need for attention from people and received in its place the full attention of the Godhead. I can tell you that it is waaayyyyy better.
As I surrendered, for real this time, every dream of “doing” that I had or hope for that “great” calling, I felt peace come on me. At this moment I don’t know if God will ever call me to pen a great novel, or call down fire from heaven on some heathen crowd, or even command a dead body to come alive.
But I do know that He loves me. He smiles when he looks at my face. He has compassion when He sees me struggle. And most of all, He holds my future securely in His hands.